


like i need u.

by bbjjunie



Category: K-pop, TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24511750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbjjunie/pseuds/bbjjunie
Summary: ❛ you don't need me like i need you. ❜basically, yeonjun is a little bit too clingyand soobin is a little bit too clueless.* smut warning, DISCONTINUED
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin & Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 17
Kudos: 139





	1. i'm a wreck.

✁------------------------------------------------

yeonjun looked over at beomgyu, a patient smile on his face, but a deadly serious look in his eyes. "touch my arm one more time and i'm gonna murder you."

beomgyu, undaunted, grinned and went to poke yeonjun again, but taehyun's voice stopped him. "just leave him alone, gyu." taehyun spoke with authority.

"okay," beomgyu obliged, turning away from yeonjun to face taehyun again.

yeonjun frowned and looked down at the table, tuning out their conversation. he couldn't help but feel strange. it was so weird to sit by them.

especially since, just two months ago, taehyun wasn't even a part of their group, and it was yeonjun who beomgyu was draped all over. but when taehyun was added to their group, he'd been welcomed with open arms, and he fit in nicely, even if he was quiet most of the time.

but of course. how could they not accept beomgyu's new boyfriend?

a hot slash of pain seared on yeonjun's right shoulder. he grabbed it reflexively, and could feel the heat of a scar he knew was hidden through layers of clothes.

why did it still hurt? physically, anyway.

changbin interrupted his thoughts. "yo, jun. you okay?"

yeonjun glanced up, making eye contact with his friend, nodding slightly.

he went back to staring at his lunch, unable to look at the entire table filled with couples who openly flirted and were clingy over each other. it wasn't their faults, and yeonjun certainly wasn't blaming them.

the next time he called out to yeonjun, changbin had the grace to at least peel himself away from felix. "if you need to talk, you know we're here, right?"

yeonjun didn't look up this time. he didn't know which "we" changbin meant, whether it was the group or him and his boyfriend, it didn't matter. when did he get stuck as the awkward, odd one out? everyone else was dating.

maybe that was why yeonjun had felt pressured to date beomgyu when he confessed.

yeonjun looked up and caught sight of beomgyu laughing and leaning into taehyun's arms, who was in the middle of explaining a story.

he turned away, letting out a breath. yeonjun got up and threw away his lunch in a trash can in front of the little shop where they'd stopped to eat.

stepping over to the edge of the level they were on, he leaned onto the railing to look down at the crowds.

really, he was happy for beomgyu. yeonjun could swear up and down that he wasn't sad about their breakup. the entire time their short relationship had lasted, it felt...

well, it hadn't felt right.

like as if both he and beomgyu were meant to be with other people. so yeonjun was almost relieved when beomgyu had broken it off.

but just because he was happy that beomgyu had moved on, didn't mean the scars wouldn't appear.

for some reason, every time yeonjun went through a breakup, he always was left with a scar.

of course, the wound appeared first, when yeonjun realized that he wasn't happy in the relationship. then, once the breakup happened, the wound would become scar tissue that, as far as yeonjun's experience had been, never healed.

beomgyu's had been in the shape of a sloping curve on yeonjun's shoulder. the others were also some form of distorted lines or shapes on both of his hands and one had strangely appeared on his leg.

but the biggest scar, the first one, was the one that still burned regularly, even when yeonjun wasn't consciously thinking of the person who he figured caused it.

as if to remind him, a slow burning sensation spread through his chest and down the rest of his upper body.

yeonjun knew the shape, had it memorized.

✁------------------------------------------------

_"you have a nice voice," he laughed, his voice echoing beautifully. "could you sing more for me?"_

_he was leaned back against yeonjun's chest, his waist perfectly fitting between yeonjun's legs. everywhere their skin touched, yeonjun remembered how tingly it felt, as if the very atoms of his existence were phasing into electricity._

_the exact outline of him would be left behind forever._

_"your voice is nice too," yeonjun had insisted. "i want you to sing."_

_he shook his head. "accept the compliment, yeonjunie. and, no u... sing."_

_"okay, fine," yeonjun laughed, and surprised even himself by leaning forward and wrapping his arms around him, hands on his chest, where yeonjun could feel his heart beating wildly, keeping his mouth right by his ear._

_yeonjun sang for him._

✁------------------------------------------------

lucas tapped his shoulder. "boo."

yeonjun gazed at him from the side of his eyes with annoyance, not even turning his head.

"dang, okay, i get it," lucas grinned and held up his hands. "it wasn't _that_ funny, i guess. you just looked so concentrated, i figured i could spook ya. anyway, just wanted to tell you that everyone's ready to go. the movie's about to start."

yeonjun nodded his thanks and stepped away from the railing. he was about to say something, when a voice interrupted him.

"omg look who it is!!"

an orange-haired girl stopped another girl walking with her. they whispered to each other and pointed at lucas and yeonjun.

yeonjun allowed himself to smile. "looks like you've got more fans."

"oh god," lucas rolled his eyes. he called out, "i am _not_ minho from shinee! don't you dare come any closer!"

"it's the brown hair dye," yeonjun smiled ruefully.

"i'm dyeing it back to black _immediately_ ," lucas frowned as the girls came over and asked for a selfie with him.

yeonjun was asked to hold their phone to take a picture, and, in order to take a small revenge for his friend, took pictures with the front-facing camera, of himself.

when the photo-op was done, he and lucas rejoined their friends, all walking over to the movie theater that was on the mall's third floor.

yeonjun made sure to keep himself in a seat between changbin and san, his two closest friends, knowing they wouldn't bother him for anything. his biggest worry had been to find himself between a couple, but thank goodness, that hadn't happened.

he made himself comfortable in his seat and looked up at the screen, unconsciously sipping at the drink he'd bought at the entrance to the theater.

✁------------------------------------------------

_"hey wait!" yeonjun had held out a hand to stop him._

_sure enough, he listened, turning around. he started to speak, but was drowned out by the clap of thunder._

_their moms were calling them inside._

_yeonjun remembered the feeling of desperation, of wanting to stay outside, with him. they didn't understand. yeonjun had turned around to beg for one more minute outside, to be able to tell him._

_but when yeonjun had turned back around, he had already left. he always listened, was always very obedient. it was so irritating._

_yeonjun's mom brought him back inside. "you'll see him tomorrow."_

_but, when she had left yeonjun to go get something, yeonjun raced back outside, as cold drops of rain started to fall._

_yeonjun had run right up to the house, knocking furiously at the door, remembering how sharp the wind had felt on his wet clothes. the drops of rain slid down his face, and yeonjun remembered thinking it was worth it._

_in his chest, yeonjun's heartbeat quickened with impatience._

_then, he had opened the door, a look of surprise on his face._

_but before he could speak, yeonjun held out the folded letter paper._

_"this is for you-"_

✁------------------------------------------------

"could you stop slurping that, please?"

yeonjun looked over at changbin, who had been the one to request.

"sorry," yeonjun whispered, letting go of the cup. the movie appeared to have already started, and he was slurping at empty air. who knows how long ago he had finished the drink?

onscreen, a woman was demanding to know why the man she was speaking to had cheated on her. though it looked to be a tense moment, yeonjun watched the scene play out without emotion.

there was something in her voice that made yeonjun wonder if they were supposed to be rooting for her or not. he didn't even know what was going on, but he somehow didn't like her.

especially as the movie continued on, and made yeonjun realize they were only dating, and all she would do was cry, sing, and slap her boyfriend across the screen.

yeonjun shyly found himself admiring the face of the actor for her boyfriend; even under makeup and fake blood, he was still handsome.

'can't relate,' he thought to himself.

the boyfriend was then revealed to be in love with the man he had cheated on his girlfriend with. but, because she demanded it, and he was more committed to her, he broke it off with "the other one", even though they both seemed to be pained by it.

why?

then yeonjun felt the need to use the bathroom, which only worsened with each second that passed. he wanted to stay and find out if the boyfriend left the girl.

finally, he decided to go ahead and listen to nature calling and hurried out of his seat, figuring that he'd be back before the end.

yeonjun stepped out of the dark theater and into its lobby, looking around for the bathrooms. he finally found one, and went inside to pee. he washed his hands (bc no germs here honey) and walked back outside, trying to recall the theater number.

his eyes looked over the entire lobby, and then he stopped cold.

a few feet away, a familiar face stood in line for the concessions, real nice and chatty with the girl beside him.

yeonjun felt the years melt away, as if he was a bright-faced little boy with a crush again.

holding out the letter for him to accept.

" _this is for you,_ ** _choi soobin._** "

that same boy from his past, older now, was in line for the concession stand, preoccupied with his conversation.

but why?

the pain raked through yeonjun's chest, and the scar burned furiously.

he said he had to leave. he said he would never be back.

yeonjun had spilled his entire confession and feelings in that letter, because soobin had said he was going to leave and never come back.

so why was he here now?

✁------------------------------------------------


	2. wish we never met.

✁------------------------------------------------

 _yeonjun had_ one _picture of him._

_during their time together, soobin never wanted to take pictures of himself, but he kept insisting on taking pictures of yeonjun._

_even when yeonjun had tried catching him off-guard, he had always realized what was going on in the last second and ducked, or held his hand out to cover the camera._

_it was on their second to last day together, one they had spent emotionally, frustrated by the quickness of time._

_that meadow was a great place for secrets._

_they lay in the warm grass together, enjoying each other's company in silence._

_it was when soobin had told yeonjun the reason why he was leaving. he'd said his parents were taking up a job offer that was far away._

_soobin had wiped yeonjun's tears away and soothed him, holding him close._

✁------------------------------------------------

yeonjun didn't know how long he stood there, just watching him.

soobin seemed so carefree and happy. yeonjun compared it to how he had felt and acted for the past few years. he couldn't recall ever feeling as much happiness as soobin was showing now, in a single moment.

as he talked with this girl, he laughed brightly, his mouth stretching wide and revealing those dimples yeonjun remembered sticking his fingers in and always poking.

but he felt like a stranger now, like he was watching a moment he wasn't allowed to partake in, an intruder.

yeonjun quickly walked across the lobby, shielding his face as he went, ducking around people with the hopes that he wouldn't be noticed.

✁------------------------------------------------

_"hold on! wait! i can't find you," he yelled out. there was a teasing edge to his voice, but yeonjun knew he was well-hidden._

_yeonjun shifted a little on the branch he was sitting on. the leaves shuddered a little, and one of the flowers from its boughs was shaken off, fluttering down to where soobin was searching._

_cursing quietly in his mind, yeonjun wondered if his cover was actually blown. he wouldn't have minded._

_soobin bent over to pick up the flower, which was so delicate that several of its petals had broken off on impact._

_he looked up to discover where it had come from, and his eyes met yeonjun's. grinning, he said, quite romantically, "i can see up your shorts."_

✁------------------------------------------------

"yeonjun."

he froze in place, just barely in arm's reach of the door to the theater. the voice was different, but somehow, yeonjun knew exactly who's face he'd see when he turned around.

a breath caught in his throat. he looked almost exactly the same, but somehow yeonjun knew this soobin was different, different from the one he knew long ago.

soobin angled his head to the side. "you weren't even going to say hi?"

yeonjun felt the tears pool in his eyes. why had he turned this around so yeonjun was to blame?

"y-you... you said you weren't going to come back," yeonjun finally let out, his voice cracking.

soobin shifted closer. "right. i didn't think i would."

there was silence, and yeonjun found himself taking in and noting all the ways soobin had changed in the past years.

for one, he was way taller now. and he was slimmer, and the round cheeks yeonjun used to always love touching were gone.

"well, _hi_ ," yeonjun finally spoke, in a curt tone, and turned on his heel to enter the theater, feeling embarrassed, and hurt.

a hand caught his sleeve and held him back.

yeonjun was astonished to find soobin pulling him away from the theater and down the hall, across the lobby, and... out the doors that were the entrance?

"w-wait."

soobin halted in his progress, looking back at yeonjun.

"what about...?" yeonjun couldn't bear to finish. was she someone important? wasn't soobin going to stay with her?

soobin glanced into the theater for a second. "are you here with someone important, that you might want to tell that you're leaving for a bit?"

yeonjun thought back to the theater room full of couples. he remembered the awkwardness he'd felt with beomgyu and taehyun beside him, and looking up only to see others in similar positions.

he realized with a start that not a single person of the group had noticed him leave.

"no," he said with conviction, and adjusted the glasses that had slid to the edge of his nose.

and then, suddenly, it was just as it had been a few years ago.

✁------------------------------------------------

_"it's gonna be alright, junie."_

_"no, it's not!"_

_yeonjun was angry. how could he not see? how could he not understand what the separation meant? soobin was leaving, and he might never see him again. didn't he know how much he meant to him?_

_soobin insisted, "there's still some time. you know what? here."_

_he reached for yeonjun's phone, picking it up and sliding the camera open with ease. after steading it in the air for a few seconds, soobin smiled widely, causing his dimples to show, and quickly snapped a picture._

_yeonjun had taken it back with shaking hands, disbelief coloring his face._

_"is there something else you want?"_

_yeonjun remembered the heat in his face as he avoided soobin's eyes, looking down at the flower patches that grew around them._

_he studied them closely and tried not to think about his answer to soobin's question, and how absurdly worded it had been._

_soobin had sighed his challenge. "i wonder when you'll be brave enough."_

✁------------------------------------------------

they had entered an ice cream shop, and were now looking over the list of flavors.

well, soobin was. yeonjun was pretending to, all while his mind spun with confusion.

what was soobin doing back? why had he come back? who was that girl? why was he so happy with her? why did he leave her there?

and, more importantly, why had yeonjun just left his friends behind so quickly?

soobin asked if yeonjun was done choosing.

without much thinking, yeonjun mumbled, "uh, i'll have mint chocolate chip."

soobin wrinkled his nose. "oh god, you still like that flavor?"

yeonjun found a more immature part of himself sticking out his tongue at soobin and informing him, "it's a good flavor! i don't know why you hate it so much."

they paid and sat down to enjoy their ice cream. since they were the only customers, the cashier cleaned the countertop a little, then passed through a beaded curtain to the back of the shop, leaving them alone.

yeonjun let all the questions in his mind go when he found soobin staring at him like that.

"what?" he cleared his throat uncomfortably, looking away.

"you haven't changed a bit," soobin grinned, laughing.

yeonjun pushed his glasses up again and asked, "what exactly do you mean?"

"you get all blushy when i stare at you," soobin stated without a pause, then continued eating his chocolate ice cream. yeonjun waited a few minutes for him to continue. "and i bet you're still all shy, right? you keep fidgeting and you're so quiet."

yeonjun felt himself frown. those weren't things he was expecting. he had hardly even noticed that himself. did he really fidget?

soobin shook his head. "i mean, your appearance is different, too. you have earrings now."

yeonjun was silent while he listened, swirling his spoon into the half-melted ice cream.

"alright, what is it? what did i not pick up on," soobin immediately clued into yeonjun's body language, which surprised him.

yeonjun simply looked up, then away, speaking softly, "i still have the necklace."

✁------------------------------------------------


	3. baby, i beg you.

✁------------------------------------------------

"why are you giving me this?"

yeonjun stared at the necklace's long chain, a small hoop at the end.

"i think it would look nice on you," soobin admitted. "besides, it's something you can remember me by."

yeonjun remembered the hurried way he'd tried to clasp it on, prompting soobin to laugh and lean over to help.

and when he'd let go of the necklace, his hands had slowly traced down yeonjun's arms, catching his hands lightly, but then he let go.

and yeonjun really didn't know who blame what he did next on. probably he was the true culprit, but to be fair, soobin had really put all the odds against him.

✁------------------------------------------------

"oh, i see it," soobin leaned forward and stared at the ring of silver glinting in the light. "i really thought you would have gotten rid of that a long time ago." he laughed shortly, humorlessly, and looked away.

what was that supposed to mean?

yeonjun hated the awkwardness that hung in the air between them. he hated it more than anything, but there was not much he could do about it.

"you're taller," yeonjun tried for a smile. "i remember you always wanted to be really tall."

soobin grimaced. "it's not as cool as i thought it would be. i spend most of my time getting asked to reach things for people. that or knocking my head into low-hanging shit."

yeonjun laughed quietly. he'd barely even made a sound. then he pointed out another change. "you're wearing a suit."

he frowned, looking down at his empty cup before asking lightly, "are you done with your ice cream?"

he changed the subject.

but yeonjun nodded and stared at the light blue milkshake that was in his cup. he quickly chucked it into the trash can, before soobin could see.

they walked back out, and yeonjun was happy to see the sun setting. this was always his favorite time of day, where the last bit of sunlight hovered on the edge of the sky, and quickly became dark.

yeonjun crossed his arms across his chest and silently thought to himself.

"what are you thinking about so hard?" soobin suddenly questioned.

yeonjun shrugged. he wasn't very used to someone noticing these things. "stuff."

they both looked up when they heard beomgyu call. "yeonjun!"

soobin spoke in a forced tone. "your boyfriend?"

"ex," yeonjun corrected. "but gyu's still a friend."

"well shit, i was kidding," yeonjun heard soobin mutter under his breath.

before yeonjun could say anything, beomgyu arrived, and soobin stalked off, looking at the outdoor decorations of the mall.

beomgyu asked warily, "where have you been? we were looking for you."

yeonjun glanced around, finally noticing taehyun's head of pink hair hair sitting farther away on a bench. he shrugged. "i found an old friend."

"were you ever gonna tell us you left," beomgyu mimicked yeonjun's shrug.

he frowned. "i would have. didn't want to bother anyone." the theater full of couples.

"yeonjun, we're your friends. why would that bother us?" he froze. "wait, that came out wrong."

he felt a pair of eyes on his face, almost piercing through his skin. yeonjun looked up and made eye contact with soobin, who wordlessly asked whether or not he should intervene.

beomgyu sighed. "well, the movie's done. we're all getting something to eat, if you want to come with." he paused, adding hesitantly, "you can bring your friend, too."

yeonjun shook his head. "i'm okay."

"how will you get home?"

"i'll drive him." soobin cut in. he had his hands in his pockets, but still towered over them with his height, so he looked intimidating.

beomgyu seemed unconvinced. "yeonjun, are you sure?"

yeonjun nodded. "i'll see you later, beommie."

they watched beomgyu walk away slowly, constantly turning to look over his shoulder at them worriedly. each time this happened, soobin would angle his head to the side and seemed to wordlessly challenge him.

but, for as long as yeonjun could remember, soobin had always looked like he was taunting people, but he didn't actually mean to.

"so, you've been busy," soobin commented slyly, walking along.

yeonjun absentmindedly touched his shoulder. "i guess. what about you? girlfriends, boyfriends?"

"i've had some, i guess."

"'some'? 'you guess'. how many is 'some', exactly?" yeonjun felt himself frown. was that jealousy squeezing his heart so tightly in a chokehold? why was he jealous?

"a few," soobin looked away.

yeonjun tried to press. "how many?"

soobin immediately stopped, a serious look on his face. "that's a little personal; i don't really want to talk about that with you."

"oh, okay sure," anger suddenly sparked yeonjun's heart. "so you want to know how gyu knows me, but i'm not allowed to know how many people you've fucked."

soobin's face tightened. "why does that make you so mad? do you really want to know?"

"no."

how could he explain to soobin that the thought of other people getting to touch him, to hurt him, to have the ability to change yeonjun's soobin to the cold, sarcastic one he was now, was impossible to tolerate?

✁------------------------------------------------

he held yeonjun's hands for a second, then let go, and yeonjun felt him step back.

and, maybe it was the fact that he was leaving, maybe it was the weight of soobin's necklace hanging from his neck that yeonjun was acutely aware of, maybe it had to do with soobin's challenge the day before.

"i wonder when you'll be brave enough"

yeonjun had turned around, reaching for him. he brought his hands up to hold his face and pulled him in, connecting their lips for the first time, ever.

even through his lips yeonjun could sense soobin's surprise, but then his hands circled around his waist and brought him in closer.

the thrill of it was so beautiful and strong that he could hardly contain it.

he started crying again, but it wasn't just the sadness that brought forth the tears.

yeonjun remembered how tightly he had gripped soobin's upper body, and the kiss had become a hug.

and then soobin had softly pressed a kiss to his forehead and said that they should go back, because it looked like it was about to rain.

"no, wait," yeonjun had started fumbled in his pocket for the letter, to give to him, but soobin insisted they should go before they got in trouble.

yeonjun knew his parents wouldn't really care about whether or not he stayed outside in the rain, or how much time he spent out of the house, but he let soobin drag him along, wondering how to bring up the subject to give him the letter.

✁------------------------------------------------

it had never struck yeonjun before how soobin didn't seem so sad about leaving.

soobin stuck his hands in his pockets and tapped his foot in frustration. "sorry for taking you away from your friends," he seemed to have trouble saying.

yeonjun didn't answer, not even to accept his apology. it made no sense for him to be apologizing, not for that.

soobin sighed. "if you want to get back to them, i get it. you should go."

yeonjun finally turned to look at him in desperation. "are you kidding me? you really think that, if i wanted to be with them, i would still be here with you?"

soobin jumped as if the harsh words had actually struck his body.

"okay... that came out wrong," yeonjun admitted, and sat down at an empty table by the railing to look over the ground level of the mall again.

soobin took the seat across from him. he also seemed pensive.

it was hard, but yeonjun didn't feel the pressure in his chest go down until he admitted, "i'm sorry. it's just frustrating, 'cause you're all mysterious and you don't want to answer anything, like why you came back, or... you know."

and just like that, the boldness that have overtaken yeonjun's words dissipated, fizzed out. it had been a miracle, almost, that it even surfaced in the first place.

the rare event must have been what made soobin talk.

"i came back 'cause... because... i had to. my dad wanted to see me," soobin finally let out. "but... he's always too busy."

yeonjun slowly reached across the table and placed a hand on soobin's. he jumped at the touch, as if electrified, but didn't move away.

"he always sends me out with her," soobin grumbled. he looked off in the distance, a hardened mask over his features.

yeonjun started to ask who she was, but something told him that he didn't want to know.

they stayed in this same position for awhile, neither one wanting to get up and ruin the moment. the air between them felt thick with tension, and it seemed as if the slightest movement would cause it to explode beyond their control.

so they sat in silence awhile, not daring to break the ice.

yeonjun shifted his gaze to look underneath the table when he felt a nudge. soobin's leg was stretched out, past his, resting under yeonjun's chair.

soobin apologized in a whisper. yeonjun had barely heard it.

✁------------------------------------------------


	4. pray that i won't be alone.

✁------------------------------------------------

_"what?" soobin looked over at him._

_“aren’t you gonna say sorry?”_

_"for what?"_

_"you literally pushed me," yeonjun huffed, finally pushing himself up._

_soobin argued, watching yeonjun stand up, "technically, you were pushing me, too. it was just a game, junie."_

_"huh?" yeonjun looked over at soobin in confusion. "what did you call me?"_

_"junie. what, you don't like it?" soobin frowned, starting to walk again. "i thought you would. it's a cute name to match a cutie like you."_

_yeonjun looked away, fighting back the smile that so easily appeared on his face around soobin. "no one's ever called me that before."_

_soobin shrugged. "if you don't like that one, i can always call you_ ‘baby‘ _."_

_"wh-what?" this time yeonjun felt his entire face warm up as he looked back over at soobin, who grinned and easily snaked an arm around yeonjun's waist, pulling him in close for a second._

_"you're cute," he whispered in yeonjun's ear, then let go, walking forward with his hands in his pockets nonchalantly, as if the simple words had not just caused yeonjun to stutter his step and lose his breath._

✁------------------------------------------------

he hates apologizing. he always changed the subject, before, instead.

after some time, soobin decided to get up, asking, "when are you expected to get home?"

yeonjun shrugged. "i don't really have a curfew."

"wait, so you could like, not go home to sleep and your parents wouldn't mind," soobin questioned incredulously.

yeonjun scoffed, "no, of course not! i never stay out that long, so they let me come home when i want."

soobin rolled his eyes, teasing, "i figured. you're too antisocial and shy to stay out for very long. the world should never get the chance to taint poor yeonjunie's innocence."

"'innocence'?!" yeonjun exclaimed, "what are you saying? you think you know more than me? hey, i'm older than you!"

"age has nothing to do with wisdom," soobin argued, a smile fighting its way onto his face.

"neither does fake experience," yeonjun snapped, annoyance affecting the clarity of his thoughts.

soobin angled his head to the side. "oh, really? i see. you think i'm bluffing when i say i know things, okay. you'll be swallowing your words soon; among other things."

"soon"? yeonjun frowned. "what the hell's that supposed to mean?"

but instead of answering, all soobin did was grin smugly and start walking off. yeonjun immediately raced to follow.

he started to ask his question again, but soobin startled him by easily wrapping his arm around yeonjun's shoulder.

"you really are adorable, you know?" soobin continued walking with his arm draped over yeonjun's shoulder. it surprised yeonjun how comfortable it felt.

too soon, yeonjun chided himself on his eagerness and the feelings stirring in his mind. there were many bad ideas forming in his head, things that he shouldn't get himself into.

but after going so long without him, after finally seeing soobin again when he thought he'd never get the chance to, yeonjun really wanted their relationship from before to continue where it had left off, to be rid of the terrible what ifs that plagued his dreams at night.

✁------------------------------------------------

over the course of his 21 years of life, yeonjun admitted he had done some very stupid things, including losing his virginity to some kid who dropped him the next day after. yes, he didn't think through his decisions very well.

every rational part of his mind screamed that he was being stupid, that he was going to end up hurting himself in the end. but see, this was soobin. and there really was no rationalizing going into his actions around soobin.

"what are you thinking about so hard," soobin asked, reaching over to pat yeonjun's face lightly.

they had arrived a few yards away from his home, where soobin had killed the engine to the car and watched yeonjun battle with his conscience.

yeonjun looked up, staring into soobin's eyes with verve - and then lost it.

"n-nothing," he shook his head, looking away.

soobin chuckled. "you're such a scaredy cat."

✁------------------------------------------------

_"join a dance team," soobin looked to yeonjun._

_yeonjun was surprised by soobin's sudden burst. "what? why?"_

_"because," soobin grinned, "you're literally always dancing in place, no matter what kind of music is playing."_

_yeonjun shrugged. "it's not like i'm good enough for a team anyway."_

_"aw, come on, junie," soobin shook his head, "they'll teach you dancing when you're on the team. you've never had any classes and yet you could dance circles around a team of professionals, bet."_

_"no, i can't, that's not physically possible," yeonjun argued stubbornly._

_soobin sighed roughly, "fine. but, just promise me, join a dance team."_

_yeonjun looked away and tapped his fingers nervously on the sofa underneath them._

_once again, soobin mumbled, "stop being so scared."_

✁------------------------------------------------

he closed the passenger door quietly, staring at the concrete under his sneakers. yeonjun was trying to make up his mind. the indecisiveness was killing him.

his shoulders drooped with the weight of his decision and yeonjun turned around, meaning to walk over to his house. his heart felt heavy with disappointment.

as he walked away, still not sure about his decision, yeonjun heard the car door open and close behind him.

"wait, junie-"

it must have been the nickname. the cute name soobin had come up with when they were younger, it reminded yeonjun of that time when they'd been closer than anything. yes, it had to have been that.

it was because of this that yeonjun suddenly catapulted himself into soobin's arms and hastily tugged him in close by the collar of the stiff shirt he wore.

there was no hesitation this time as yeonjun kissed him, emotions and heart going crazy with the fact that he was finally doing it; after such a long time of despair and hesitation, yeonjun was finally kissing the boy he fell in love with years ago.

they broke apart, and yeonjun's breathing was uneven as what he had just done caught up to him.

soobin had a pair of glasses in his hand, the kind that had no lenses, which yeonjun had been wearing today as part of his outfit.

"y-you.. forgot your glasses," soobin informed him in a dazed tone. he'd been caught by surprise, too.

yeonjun immediately felt the humiliation rise in him, and he grabbed the glasses from soobin, meaning to make a break for it before he could be made fun of.

but soobin caught his wrist before he could really start running, and in a smooth, k-drama move like in those romantic ones beomgyu always watched, he spun him around and into his arms again.

without a word, soobin connected their lips again, though this time he tenderly held yeonjun close, while all yeonjun could do was brace himself against soobin's chest and wonder if this was just some vivid dream he had cooked up to torture himself.

but no, this was really happening.

soobin had his hand wrapped in the hem of yeonjun's shirt, exposing the smaller boy's abdomen to the bitter air, but he didn't mind because holy shit, soobin was so good at kissing it felt like he was on cloud nine.

when they pulled apart again, yeonjun was breathing hard and his knees were weak.

"thanks," was all he could muster, though if it was for the glasses or the kisses he wasn't sure.

soobin finally let him go, but seemed full of regret when doing so.

yeonjun tried stepping back and ended up wobbling in the air, almost falling over before soobin caught him.

"hey, i'm supposed to be the clumsy one," he joked half-heartedly.

yeonjun then realized they had no way to communicate. "wait, soobinnie? do you want my number?"

soobin seemed thoughtful for a second, considering. he then slowly nodded, digging out his phone from his pocket.

yeonjun quickly typed out his number and handed soobin's phone back to him.

then, after a last, quiet goodbye, yeonjun quickly walked to his front door under the night sky, feeling giddy.

✁------------------------------------------------


	5. too soon with a drunk call.

✁------------------------------------------------

_yeonjun kept his stare on the hoop, concentrated._

_he knew he could make the shot, if he just aimed correctly and threw it with the right amount of force. he knew because sports were one of the few things yeonjun was sure he was good at._

_coiling up, yeonjun pushed into the launching pose-_

_"sports are dumb."_

_a voice startled him, causing yeonjun to slip and the basketball to launch out of his hands and over the hoop, into their neighbor's backyard._

_he caught himself before he could fall and stared in an annoyed matter at the suspect, a brown-haired boy with cute ears leaning over the brick wall that separated their houses._

_he laughed, and then yeonjun saw the dimples._

_he immediately fell in love._

_"what's wrong with you," he huffed. "i almost had that. you could at least give me my ball back."_

_instead, the boy disappeared from his spot, and never popped back up._

_yeonjun huffed and walked around his house to the front, where he then struggled with the nervousness of knocking on the neighbor's door to ask for his ball back._

_he had never really known much about their neighbors, so yeonjun definitely had no idea that such a cute boy lived nearby._

_he braced himself for the embarrassment, and stepped up to the porch, knocking softly._

✁------------------------------------------------

yeonjun was happy.

actually, happy couldn't even begin to describe it.

after saying a quick good night to his parents, who were watching tv in the living room, yeonjun had sped upstairs and checked his phone eagerly throughout doing his nightly routine. he knew it was stupid to wait for a text or call so soon, but yeonjun was too happy to wait.

but alas, just as he'd finished washing his face, he saw a text from an unknown number, saying, "it's soobin, save my number, cutie."

yeonjun squealed and typed back, "you're the cutie".

he wondered if that was too forward and shrugged to himself, thinking it wouldn't matter. they had kissed, so that obviously meant they were past the whole "try not to flirt, hide the feelings, stay friends" stage, right?

right?

that night, yeonjun had "The Dream" again; the one that made him wake up crying.

this usually happened when his day had been full of emotions, especially emotions that he'd bottled up. but yeonjun could never remember the dream, nor why it made him cry.

embarrassed, he wiped his face and got up, changing his pajamas and bed sheets when he realized he'd made a mess.

he couldn't go back to sleep for fear of having the dream again, so he checked for soobin's reply (there wasn't any) and watched some youtube.

the next day, he felt exhausted as usual, and mostly stayed in his room. his parents mostly left him alone, and that's the way he liked it. though sometimes he wished they'd show some interest in him. it was too quiet at home sometimes.

nonetheless, yeonjun got dressed and packed up his things for dance practice.

_— oh - i forgot to tell him —_ yeonjun thought. soobin would be proud that he had joined a team.

he said goodbye to his parents and walked over to beomgyu's house while listening to music. there was just something so otherworldly about doing that - yeonjun loved it.

yeonjun spent the entire rest of his day continuously checking his phone for messages.

he didn't even mind so much that taehyun came along with them to dance practice, nor when he tagged along to their outing to buy some food.

yeonjun was too distracted by the lack of messages, and distressed, to eat so he threw his phone with a huff down into his bag and stared outthe window of the little shop where they were eating. he overheard beomgyu giggling when taehyun whispered something, and closed his eyes, letting the disappointment spread through his heart.

_— why can't i have that? —_

this time, every place where he knew he had a scar burned, even the old one he had from soobin, before. the pain hadn't been a surprise, but yeonjun winced all the same.

he opened his eyes again and let his stare blur, starting to daydream again. the daydreams always made the burning hurt less, so yeonjun often found himself escaping in his thoughts.

✁------------------------------------------------

_"what are you doing," soobin asked suspiciously, starting to shift._

_"don't move," yeonjun whined, leaning back to avoid messing up the artwork on soobin's face._

_"what are you doing," soobin repeated._

_yeonjun paused for a second, thinking of the answer. "painting."_

_"painting what," soobin laughed slightly, a nervous tone to it, and grabbed yeonjun's hand to stop him._

_yeonjun sighed, "you wanted me to paint your face."_

_soobin pleaded, "but don't mess it up on purpose; just draw something small—"_

_yeonjun moved the paintbrush to the hand soobin wasn't holding, touching it to his cheek. a streak of green smudged his lip, and yeonjun gasped uncontrollably._

_soobin demanded, "what? what is it? did you mess up?"_

_he started to get up to check, but yeonjun pushed him back down, insisting, "no, i'm just surprised by my artistic talent."_

_"what are you painting," soobin asked worriedly as yeonjun rushed to fix the mistake. "there's nothing in my costume that justifies you using green on me."_

_"what else? a.. bunny's food," yeonjun quickly turned the green stain into a blade of grass._

_"what!!? bunnies don't eat anything green," soobin panicked, moving his head away just as yeonjun finished._

_yeonjun looked up as his mom called him. he dropped the brush into the paint water and got up from his seat on the floor of the living room, rushing off to answer while soobin complained about yeonjun's doodling._

_"i'm gonna clean it off before it dries," soobin decided, reaching for a wipe._

_yeonjun's shout sounded from the distance, "no way!"_

_though their costumes had been more sarcastic than anything, yeonjun and soobin had hung out on halloween, claiming they would have a horror movie marathon but ended up halfway through the first before they had to switch to watching disney channel because it was too scary._

✁------------------------------------------------

that was one of yeonjun's favorite daydreams..

he paused for a second, staring at his front door.

— when did i get home? —

he looked around for clues, trying to recall his memory of getting there. it was sunset, so it had to have been a few hours since dance practice, but yeonjun seriously could not remember how he got from the shop with beomgyu and taehyun to here.

shrugging, he opened the door and jogged up to his room, dropping onto his bed.

wordlessly praying and hoping, yeonjun reached gingerly into his bag and pulled out his phone. he kept the screen off and begged, "please.."

when he stared at his lock screen, yeonjun could see his reflection staring back at him, personifying a clown.

he huffed and discarded his phone off to the side, feeling like he wanted to throw a tantrum.

he kicked his legs in the air and waved his arms, closing his hands into fists and shaking them at the ceiling.

his mouth felt like it was permanently shaped into a pout, but yeonjun exaggerated it even more, huffing and crossing his arms.

he could practically hear soobin teasing, "what do you think you'll accomplish with that? melting my heart?"

then he felt silly. why was he so upset over this?

a few minutes of this and yeonjun felt his eyes start to shut from how tired he was after getting almost no sleep last night.

besides, in his sleep at least he could pretend soobin had texted back...

—

yeonjun opened his eyes hours later, confused. something had woken him up, but what?

he looked around and noticed the faint light coming from his phone screen, which was blaring a phone call from soobin.

a faint thought in the back of his head said to ignore it; after all, soobin had to him, but yeonjun barely registered it.

he swiped to accept the call and held his phone to his ear, and prompted, "h-hello?"

✁------------------------------------------------


	6. in the middle of the night.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut warning but its not any good don’t get your hopes up ):

✁------------------------------------------------

"h-hello? soobinnie? why are you calling so late," yeonjun tried to clear the raspiness from his throat.

a different boy's voice sounded from the other end, "hey, is this 'junie'? are you 'junie'?"

yeonjun made a face, weirded out by how different soobin's nickname for him sounded coming from someone else. "no, i'm yeonjun. is soobin okay?"

"oh, d-do you know who junie is? 'cause like, well- i'm jaehyun, a friend of his, and he's drunk off his shit right now, and he keeps asking for someone named junie."

soobin's voice sounded far away as he screamed, "JUNIE-!"

they sounded like they were in a place with loud music and talking in the background.

yeonjun hummed, "uh, well, does he need someone to pick him up? should i go?"

jaehyun agreed, "i guess; i'll send the address real quick."

yeonjun hung up and started getting dressed, his hands shaking. soobin was asking for him, while being drunk.

did that mean something?

when yeonjun arrived at the destination, he realized it was someone's house, which at least helped alleviate some of the worry he had in his chest about soobin's wellbeing.

he opened the front door easily, as it was unlocked, and saw no one in the living room, but followed the sound of voices to the backyard.

"why the fuck do i have to take care of him," a black-haired boy shouted with disgust, standing beside a lump on the ground. "it ain't my fault he showed up like this."

"aw, come on, renjunie," a brunette pranced up to him and pleaded, "it's just until his friend gets here."

another one shouted from the ground, "hurry up and spin the spinner thing already, so i can get mark's ass out of my face!"

mark lifted his head, "bruh, you're in this situation because you want to be, yuta. you can move anytime."

"and lose? to you? at this dumbass twister game? no!"

"hey jae, when's that pizza hut boy coming," a voice came from the side, its owner hidden. "didn't you say he was coming soon?"

the said boy then stepped forward, asking, "yeonjun? is that you?"

at this, the lump on the ground rolled over, revealing soobin's face. "junie baby!"

yeonjun nodded, starting to move over to renjun, who laughed, "finally!" he rushed over to hug the brown-haired boy he'd been talking to.

soobin pushed himself up and immediately threw himself into yeonjun's arms, burying his face into yeonjun's neck.

jaehyun waved his hands. "please don't misunderstand; we're not like that. he showed up like this; i dunno how or where he came from."

yeonjun shifted nervously when he felt soobin's lips on his neck, and tried to keep his voice nonchalant as he spoke. "i'll get him home.. do any of you by any chance know where that is?"

jaehyun motioned, "i think woong does. woong!"

a tiny, purple-haired boy waved, getting up and bounding over to them.

his eyes glanced to soobin; yeonjun had turned to hide what he was doing from jaehyun, but woong could see from his angle.

his face turned red and he looked away, avoiding yeonjun's eye contact.

soobin sighed in contentment and pressed himself closer to yeonjun.

jaehyun turned and walked over to the yelling group playing twister, and yeonjun was left alone with woong in embarrassment.

"please junie," soobin whispered at his ear, and then yeonjun could feel soobin's lips on his neck again.

woong held out his phone to yeonjun without looking, uncomfortable with what was going on right in front of him. "soobin usually stays in one of the hotels his parents own," the poor boy tried to convey the message without facing them.

yeonjun thanked him and took a picture of the information as best as he could with soobin hanging onto him.

soobin had detached his mouth from yeonjun's neck and was now glaring at anyone who even glanced at them, and would consequently clutch yeonjun tighter.

yeonjun had never really experienced getting drunk himself, or even seeing a drunk person before, so he wondered if it was normal for soobin to be acting like he had about five different personalities or not.

as they headed out, yeonjun soothed him, "it's okay, binnie, we'll get you home soon."

✁------------------------------------------------

arriving to the hotel that the address led him to proved to be easier than yeonjun thought it would be. when they arrived, they met a friendly receptionist who introduced himself as kai.

he appeared to know soobin, and shrugged, commenting, "huh. soob has never showed up with someone before. was he that bad?"

yeonjun asked, "where do i take him?"

soobin looked at yeonjun and hugged him again, murmuring, "kai, it's junie; i found junie."

kai rummaged through a drawer, producing a key card. "he usually stays in this room, i don't know why."

yeonjun took the key card and went on his way, dragging along the drunken giant of a baby. but he didn't mind doing this, he realized. after all, it was more time to spend with soobin, even if he wasn't really sober.

however, as they got onto the elevator, yeonjun was grateful that it was so late there wasn't anybody walking around, because soobin was really not letting him go.

they headed for soobin's room, and yeonjun struggled to open the door with soobin kissing his face, lips, neck, everywhere - relentlessly.

yeonjun could guess that he'd end up in the predicament that he did, not that he was complaining about it, of course. he had finally gotten the door opened, but before he could look to turn on the lights, soobin had grabbed him and slammed his back roughly against the door to close it.

for a split second, yeonjun had "The Thought" - wondering if the physical and emotional pain of going through with this was worth just a night of soobin's attention.

yes.

soobin admitted breathily, "oh god, i love you, junie. you're perfect." yeonjun wanted to cry; what was about to happen and the things soobin was saying were just the way he dreamed of it. soobin's hands trailed across yeonjun's skin under the hem of his shirt traveling dangerously low and steady for a supposedly drunk person.

could there be a chance that soobin wasn't actually as drunk as everyone had thought? he really did seem to want this, and yeonjun would be lying if he said he didn't.

they kissed hastily again, and yeonjun decided not to think too hard about it.

"oh- fuck it," he gave up the tiny ounce of will he'd had to hold out, at least for a bit, placing his hands on soobin's chest.

soobin took this as a sign to continue, and wrapped his arms around yeonjun's waist, pulling him away from the door.

yeonjun tightened his grip on soobin's shirt when his lips trailed back to yeonjun's neck. he let out soft sighs and gasps as soobin sucked desperately, his hands expertly undoing yeonjun's belt and jeans.

"oh, junie, junie, junie," he whispered breathlessly.

somewhere along the way, soobin started kicking off his shoes and ended up tripping, causing them to fall over, but continued his work anyway.

yeonjun tried to shakingly undo the buttons of soobin's top, but the latter simply pulled the ends apart, popping the buttons off in his desperation. yeonjun felt the rough carpet press against his back as soobin clumsily pushed him down.

yeonjun firmly decided to keep his shirt on, afraid soobin would see the scars. nobody had ever noticed them before, but then again, no one ever really paid enough attention to yeonjun like that, except soobin. if someone could see them, yeonjun knew soobin would.

he was afraid soobin would see them and become too curious, or worse, find them ugly.

soobin pulled down yeonjun's boxers, running a hand slowly along his length. feeling shy, yeonjun covered his eyes and bit his lip to hold back the moans.

he swiped his fingers along the tip, collecting and spreading the precum over his fingers. he then curled up yeonjun's legs and without a warning slid his singers into the poor boy's hole, causing him to squeal and grab handfuls of the carpet underneath him.

the feeling was unpleasant, and yeonjun wasn't sure if he should be enjoying it. but, luckily, soobin loomed over him and carefully slid his dick in, and yeonjun felt like he would be split apart.

without realizing it, he winced at the sensation and caused soobin to whisper roughly, "shh, i know; i'm sorry," and started caressing his hair. all the tenderness with which he was treating yeonjun made him question soobin's sobriety.

soobin then placed his hands on either side of yeonjun's ribs, warning, "i'm going all the way now."

"w-wait," yeonjun gritted his teeth. "y-you're not in al the way? impossible."

soobin laughed shortly and admired the sight of the breathless boy underneath him, face flushed from the activity of the night and it had only just started.

cute.

yeonjun clutched his hands together behind soobin's head and felt the drops of sweat bead up on his face and body with the tension. soobin slowly continued to the sound of yeonjun cussing vividly.

"there; see, you did it baby," soobin leaned down to kiss him hurriedly, trying to maintain his patience. "you ready now?"

he swayed lightly but soobin made sure to wait for yeonjun's nod before thrusting quickly and suddenly without warning, letting out all his frustrations and emotion into yeonjun's body.

yeonjun threw his head back and widened his eyes, all he could think was — wow. this was so much different than his first time, and so much better.

"baby, you feel so perfect," he mumbled, grinning with satisfaction, while yeonjun was just grunting and moaning sounds, unable to speak.

he slid his hands from soobin's shoulders and to the carpet underneath him again, gasping and shaking. he tried to warn soobin of the building pressure but couldn't do so before cumming breathlessly.

"s-sorry," yeonjun apologized as he witnessed soobin's face get pegged with it. soobin shook his head and angled his head down in concentration.

mesmerized, yeonjun watched the younger boy's bangs flop against his head. but before long, soobin stopped, breathing hard, and yeonjun felt the sticky sensation between his legs.

when soobin slid out, yeonjun immediately got up and wiped his face with his thumb in embarrassment, avoiding his eyes. once he had succeeded, soobin took his hand and forced yeonjun to watch him put his hand in his mouth and lick it off.

yeonjun cringed, shaking his head when soobin winked. "that's nasty."

"no," soobin argued, smiling triumphantly at yeonjun's reaction. "it's just you."

"still nasty; you'd better brush your teeth before you come near me again."

at this, soobin chuckled and picked himself up, towering over yeonjun for a second before grabbing his things and headed to the bathroom steadily, on his own.

yeonjun watched him close the door and caught his breath for a moment. hesitantly, he grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it up, shaking slightly.

gasping as he stared at his chest and upper body, yeonjun felt like crying. the shape- the outline- his first and biggest scar, was gone.

yeonjun drooped back so that his head leaned against the bed that, to be honest, he had forgotten was there. he stared at the light coming from under the bathroom door, listening to the shower head from inside.

whenever he had this dream, yeonjun never had his scars. the sadness blanketed him in waves, and he hated the fact that his dreams were so realistic.

✁------------------------------------------------


	7. afraid, what's coming next?

✁------------------------------------------------

yeonjun opened his eyes to the feeling of being suffocated. all he could see was that surroundings were dark before his eyes closed again.

sleepily, he tried to get up but failed, a heavy weight crushing him. yeonjun wondered if he'd rolled off and under his bed again; that had already happened a few times, so it wouldn't be much of a surprise.

this time when he opened his eyes, he waited for them to adjust. yeonjun was surprised to see soobin's upper body thrown over yeonjun's torso. he could feel the dried sweat on his body and the _very real_ weight of soobin's body on his.

yeonjun quietly counted to ten and shakingly reached out a hand to touch soobin's hair. it was damp, probably from the shower. but he yanked his hand back quickly anyway.

real. it was _real_.

yesterday was _real_. it had really happened.

now that it had been confirmed, yeonjun was content to just lay there all day. this just seemed like perfection.

but of course, the happy moments tended to be ruined easily.

the sound of a phone ringing pierced the air, and before yeonjun could even take a breath, soobin was up and out of the bed, phone pressed to his ear while he listened intently.

"i'll be there in a few minutes," he nodded, as if the person on the other end could see him. after pausing a second, he said blankly, "that's fine," and ended the call.

he did all of this without once ever even glancing over at yeonjun, who was watching this play out with wide eyes, unsure of what to feel.

soobin opened a drawer and pulled on a shirt robotically, brushing his hands through his hair. 

he was literally just getting dressed, yet somehow the way he did it made yeonjun want to drag him back and not let him leave.

squirming slightly with this new feeling, yeonjun wasn't quite sure what to do. after last night, what were they? what kind of privileges did he have? i mean, could he even ask soobin to stay? no, he probably had somewhere important to be.

instead, yeonjun shrunk into himself and meekly watched soobin fix his clothes for a bit and start for the door. he caught sight of yeonjun as he went, and paused for a second, deliberating.

yeonjun avoided eye contact with him, suddenly shy and slightly embarrassed over what happened between them.

"hey," came soobin's voice softly from across the room, and yeonjun found himself looking up. "you uh... do you need a ride or something?" soobin scratched his head and also looked slightly embarrassed, but more awkward than anything.

yeonjun shook his head, not wanting to be a burden. "i can... walk," he shrugged, looking back down again and kneading his hands together nervously.

"'kay," soobin said quickly before promptly leaving, closing the door with a final click that warned he wasn't coming back.

yeonjun felt the sadness weigh him down, but sadness for what? what had he been expecting? for them to be perfect again after a few days of getting to know each other? they were both different than back then, that was for sure.

well, whatever. he sighed and started to get up, noticing the soreness in his limbs. it wasn't too bad though; he generally felt worse the day after a long dance practice.

after taking a quick shower, yeonjun changed back into his clothes without ever looking at himself. it was too scary to see if the scars were there or not.

he felt so embarrassed about the state of the room, so yeonjun decided to clean up as best as he could. really there was not much he could do but pile the dirty towels and blankets together and fervently hope they couldn't guess what had taken place in there.

he started to notice a throbbing pain in the lower part of his back, but it wasn't too bad so he didn't think much of it.

yeonjun then headed out the door and down the hallway back to where the elevators had been. there were people also leaving but also some arriving.

deciding against the stairs due to the fact that he was just that tired, yeonjun waited for an elevator. he was fortunate enough to get one with only two people inside.

he briefly considered calling for a friend to pick him up, weighing the awkwardness of the questions that would surely be asked versus the aches and pains, which were starting to worsen as time passed, that might not let him finish the walk home.

luckily, a welcoming voice called out to him just then, saving him from trouble.

"oh, hey! you're yeonjun, right?" the friendly receptionist from earlier bounded up to him.

yeonjun nodded his response, trying to recall the brunette's name.

"well, i'm kai," he introduced himself, laughing nervously. "in case you forgot. actually, my work shift just ended, so i'm going home, too! want me to drive you?"

yeonjun answered gratefully, "sure, if that's not too much of a bother for you."

"no it's not; i kinda need someone to watch me drive anyway, and soobin's usually up for it, but he left in a hurry today," kai shrugged.

"wait, pause. why do you need someone to watch you drive?"

kai looked ashamed. "i am kinda still learning and i don't have my permit yet-"

"oh."

"change your mind?"

"anything is better than walking, i guess," yeonjun sighed, wondering if he was making the right choice.

kai clapped eagerly. "my first passenger besides soobin! this is so exciting! you wanna go to pizza hut and celebrate?"

yeonjun laughed nervously, "i don't have money.."

"right," kai deflated, "i forgot i was broke for a minute there. well, we should get going."

as yeonjun got into the car, he found himself wondering how kai and soobin knew each other exactly. had soobin been here for awhile already? if so, why had he not found yeonjun before?

he shook the thoughts from his head, knowing he was being selfish for thinking that. it wasn't like they were together, at least not like before.

while kai drove along, yeonjun made sure to give him directions to the park that was a block away from his house. 

"here?" kai looked concerned as yeonjun got out.

yeonjun shrugged, "my parents might think..."

"oh. okay then," he smiled brightly.

"thanks for the ride," yeonjun managed to thank the younger boy.

when kai seemed to hesitate, yeonjun decided to ask what was wrong.

he motioned to yeonjun's neck and advised, "you might wanna cover those up before your parents see them, unless they don't care."

yeonjun touched his neck and noticed the slight irritation, bringing him to check using the mirror above the passenger seat in panic.

upon noticing the red and purple splotches, he muttered a few words under his breath and sighed defeatedly. he finally shook his head saying, "i doubt they'll notice."

kai's features saddened but he seemed to understand. "okay, well... see ya later, bro."

yeonjun clambered out of the car and watched him drive away. there was a weird feeling in his chest; kai was really nice, so could they be friends?

he shuffled along and dropped down into one of the swings beside the playground, resting for a moment.

as usual, his thoughts drifted, and he paid no real attention to his surroundings. yeonjun was surprised by how much he realized he missed soobin.

"i want to go on the swings," a little girl's voice snapped him out of his daydreams.

two women were with her, and one of them explained, "not now, julie; someone is playing on them."

"but he's not even swinging," she cried out, stomping her foot.

yeonjun hurriedly got up and wondered how the developers of the park thought it was a good idea to have only one swing installed.

he motioned to the swing set nervously, informing her, "you can go on."

"thank you," said the other woman, and she smiled gratefully. the smile she sent him reminded yeonjun of someone. he realized that she looked familiar but couldn't place where he knew her from.

as they watched the little girl play, the same one that seemed familiar to him laughed, and then he remembered, the sound shocking him to a memory that had been so confusing, and still was. 

she was the same girl soobin had been with in the movie theater.

✁------------------------------------------------


	8. waitin' for your text.

✁------------------------------------------------

" _what happened earlier? hope everything's okay_ "

yeonjun stared at the last text message he had sent soobin, yesterday. he hadn't even opened it yet, which really made yeonjun sad, but at least he wasn't being left on read?

at least this way he could pretend soobin was just really busy.

he dropped his phone onto his lap and forced a slight smile onto his face as he looked around at his friends.

"just send it," minho jabbed at chris's shoulder.

lucas called out, "send it! no balls!"

jungwoo shook his head and laughed. "you can't say that so loud!"

changbin grinned, nodding. "it's about time you ask him out; y'all flirt so much and don't get together."

yeonjun felt a little sick. not another couple. he hadn't even noticed there was another single person in their group; would he now be the actual only one left?

he started wishing that chris not send the message, whatever it was. then he felt bad for wishing someone to not be happy just so he would feel comfortable.

chris shook his head. "i don't think i'm doing this right. what if i scare him off?"

"here; let me help," yeonjun offered, motioning for chris to come over. once he had seen the message, he advised, "maybe it's too complicated to send over text. what if you get him to see you face-to-face?"

chris laughed nervously. "i don't know if i can handle that."

hyunjin pointed out, "hey, we were gonna go to my pool later; what if you ask him to come over?"

once the plans were confirmed, yeonjun stooped down to check his phone. nothing.

"hey, yeonjun; are you coming over?"

several people in the group looked to him expectantly. he wasn't prepared to make eye contact with so many boys in only a few seconds, so yeonjun pursed his lips, laughing nervously as he placed his hands in his pockets.

"it's not the same if you're not there," changbin informed him, grinning as he sat back.

yeonjun had been ready to decline their offer, preferring to go home and mope about the lack of texts, but once changbin had said that, he felt inclined to go to their impromptu party.

"sure," he smiled, surprised by the sudden cheers that followed.

haechan raised his eyebrows, "you should bring that person you keep texting, too."

at this, yeonjun felt the panic rise in his chest. there was no way they had all seen how often he checked his phone, right?

but a glance around their circle revealed that the group looked to him expectantly, waiting for his answer instead of questioning haechan's comment.

yeonjun scratched his head and looked down, avoiding their gazes. it was probably best that they not meet soobin quite yet, right? besides, it wasn't likely that he would even show up...

✁------------------------------------------------

"there's no way you don't know how to swim," _yeonjun frowned over at him._

_soobin stared at the clear water below them, shaking his head._ "i've never learned how to, so, no, i really don't."

"then why did you agree to come here?"

_the silence between them was heavy, charged with a negative atmosphere. yeonjun was sure soobin was bluffing; this could be his attempt to get them to stay inside again, as they had been doing every time they were together. but no, yeonjun wanted very much to be outside, no matter the circumstances._

_he pointed at the painted number._ "it's three feet of water, soobin! don't tell me you really think you'd drown?"

_soobin crossed his arms across his chest, stepping back._ "never mind, i'm going home."

_"_ hey, you're not gonna drown; i promise, _" yeonjun insisted, reaching out to grab his arm. "come on!"_

_even then, so long ago, yeonjun had been much stronger than soobin. and when he pulled on soobin's arm, he hadn't been expecting him to be so light._

_though yeonjun hadn't really meant to, soobin had ended up being thrown in._

_he didn't drown, as yeonjun said he wouldn't, but the look of utter betrayal on his face had almost been too much to bear._

_after soobin had gone home, almost immediately after the incident, it took several weeks before he agreed to hang out with yeonjun again, and even then they never returned to the pool._

_once they had started seeing each other again, yeonjun had been so scared to even talk about what happened, for fear of losing soobin._

_and then, two weeks later, he lost him anyway._

✁------------------------------------------------

"say one more thing about my goggles and i'm gonna shove your head underwater," came the shout from the backyard.

yeonjun widened his eyes at first, fearful, but then remembered that these were his friends and relaxed.

felix asked as he led the way, "hey, do you know if beomgyu and taehyun are coming soon?"

yeonjun paused. "they're not here yet?" he'd purposefully arrived half an hour later to avoid the awkward conversations that resulted from the lack of people, but beomgyu and taehyun were usually the first ones that arrived.

felic shrugged, "no; we thought you'd show up with them. they seemed kinda off today."

yeonjun was quiet then, thinking. he hadn't noticed beomgyu or taehyun acting different than usual. he preferred not to look at them at all, especially because of how much it hurt to see everyone so happy with each other.

absentmindedly, he greeted the others and sat down on a chair nearby, becoming passive to the loud splashes and shrieks.

how can people find someone who makes them happy so easily? how could they even manage to find someone who liked them back?

yeonjun grasped his phone again, ready to check it, but unwilling to see the empty notification screen again. if he saw it another time he wasn't really sure he'd be able to cope with it.

a sharp, burning sensation alerted him to the knowledge that the scars were there. yeonjun winced slightly and touched his chest, noticing the heat that emanated from the exact line that he knew so well.

he could feel his pulse beating, slowly. there was really only one place he wanted to be, one person he wanted to be with, and that person didn't seem to feel the same way.

yeonjun hadn't noticed how tightly he was squeezing his phone until it vibrated, and he realized it had been off.

oh.

he watched it slowly turn itself on, and smiled slightly at the picture he'd chosen for the lockscreen, the one of soobin so long ago.

a text message then crossed the screen, and yeonjun caught himself reading it without thinking.

' _Hey, are you okay? You didn't answer my call.._ '

yeonjun stared at the message, realizing it was from soobin. it was impossible for a second, to put the two together. how had soobin managed to finally text him? yeonjun had, quite honestly, begun to doubt that he was even real.

yeonjun quickly opened up the chat and messaged him back, ' _i turned my phone off i'm so sorry_ '.

two minutes later, soobin had texted back asking if he was busy, to which yeonjun responded that he was with his friends. he felt bad for ditching them that first day, so he was firm in his decision that he would not be leaving them today. even if he really did want to see soobin.

beomgyu and taehyun showed up then, and yeonjun immediately zeroed in on beomgyu, trying to notice any weird behavior, as felix had mentioned.

they both seemed their normal selves, but the only out-of-the-ordinary behavior was that beomgyu actually came up to yeonjun and greeted him.

yeonjun returned the greeting and asked, "why were you guys later than usual?"

"couldn't find the sunscreen," beomgyu shrugged, "gotta be safe from the sun, right?"

yeonjun couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something odd about beomgyu. he probably shouldn't be prying though.

he just turned back to his messages again and typed out, 'you wanna come over, too? they said i could invite you'.

soobin seemed unwilling to do so however, and yeonjun tried hard not to feel disappointed. maybe if soobin were here it would be easier to join the fun. and, his friends would get to meet soobin...

his next message read, ' _Can I ask you for a selfie or are we not there yet_ '.

yeonjun laughed softly to himself and looked around. he knew his friends would probably, maybe, most likely not judge him for taking a selfie out of nowhere but his anxiety wouldn't let him just take it by himself.

so, he turned to beomgyu and asked, "hey, bg; you mind taking a selfie with me?"

beomgyu nodded, not even pausing to question it. yeonjun felt more secure doing something like this with another person, so he confidently raised his phone and proceeded to take a few.

after doing so, he managed to choose one where he looked decent, he supposed, and sent it to soobin. 

there wasn't even a minute to wait before soobin suddenly fired back, ' _Isn't that your ex? Bamgyu or something_ '.

' _don't be mean, that's beomgyu. yes, he's here too_ ,' yeonjun typed out, wondering what this would lead to. would soobin be mad? was it bad that he was here with beomgyu?

no, he reasoned. he and beomgyu were good friends, and that had been that way since before they dated.

and, besides, it wasn't like soobin didn't hang out with other people too, he grumbled to himself.

soobin then texted back, ' _Oh. Mind if I show up?_ '

yeonjun couldn't help but feel happy. he'd gone from missing soobin to having him ask if it was okay to show up.

he looked over at beomgyu, who was now currently inside the pool, and remembered that day, when beomgyu had shown up. soobin had seemed annoyed, and now, a mere photo had made him flip from unwilling to come over to requesting to show up.

the little future plans forming in his head made yeonjun feel uneasy, as he was unsure if it was okay for him to do stuff like this on purpose.

but if it guaranteed soobin's attention maybe he'd be more inclined to do it again.

✁------------------------------------------------


	9. if you change your mind,

✁------------------------------------------------

"thanks for coming over," hyunjin nodded, using the towel around his neck to dry his long hair. 

yeonjun shrugged, "sure, thanks for inviting me."

hyunjin asked quietly, pausing his movements, "hey, can i ask you something, or..?"

yeonjun turned to glance at soobin, who was very impatiently waiting while leaning against the door of his car, tapping his foot. he was frowning while staring over at beomgyu and taehyun, who were also seeming to wait for yeonjun. 

yeonjun sighed and shook his head. "yeah, what is it?"

hyunjin asked, "how do you know that soobin dude?"

"we... we used to be friends when we were younger, like... back in high school," yeonjun admitted, "before he moved away." 

"'used to' be friends." hyunjin admitted, "i know this is probably pretty nosy of me, but... are you two dating now?"

yeonjun flushed in embarrassment, recalling the last time he and soobin had been together. truth be told, he didn't really know what they were. 

"why do you ask that?" 

"'cause of the way he was looking at you," hyunjin immediately answered. he continued bluntly, "he just seems like bad news. be careful, okay?"

yeonjun nodded slowly, finally turning around to head over to his waiting friends. what was that all about? 

beomgyu called out, "hey yeonjun; how are you getting home?" 

out of the corner of his eye, yeonjun watched soobin stroll over smoothly, bolding wrapping an arm around yeonjun's shoulders. he started pulling him along, explaining, "come on, baby; i wanna take you out somewhere before you go home."  
  
yeonjun widened his eyes, looking to beomgyu and taehyun. he started stuttering out an explanation, but then soobin dragged him further away. next thing he knew, he was being shoved down into the passenger seat. 

the door closed behind him and yeonjun grabbed at the handle, ready to burst out at a single act of aggression between them. beomgyu had taken a single step forward, but soobin barely turned to look at him while he walked around to the driver's side. 

and yeonjun realized, beomgyu wasn't looking at soobin, he was staring directly at the tinted window, where he would have seen yeonjun if they weren't so dark. 

his expression was a mask of shock and disbelief, and yeonjun wondered what was going through his head. 

he hesitated. what could he ever say, if given a chance to explain? were he and soobin together, like _that_?

as soobin slid into the seat, he looked over to yeonjun with a small smile. when he noticed his smile was not mirrored on yeonjun's face, he sighed, "what? what did i do?"   
  
yeonjun crossed his arms across his chest. "that didn't seem suspicious at all. why didn't you let me say anything to them?"   
  
soobin turned the key to the car in his hands, around and around. "i'm not stopping you. i just didn't think you'd be so inclined to talk to your ex when i'm here." 

yeonjun raised his eyebrows, confused by the words soobin used. 

soobin roughly started the car and said quietly, "you don't have to come with me." 

yeonjun looked over to his friend's house, at the front yard and patch of grass where beomgyu and taehyun had been standing a minute ago. the door was closed as well. no one else was around. they were gone, in an instant, like a breeze of wind. 

he looked back over at soobin, deciding. "where are you taking me?" 

the smile showed on soobin's face again, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "it's a secret."

✁------------------------------------------------

"stop it! i said 'no peeking'!" soobin adjusted his grasp on the wriggling boy in front of him, laughing at his antics.

yeonjun whined, "but i wanna see! and i'm actually kinda scared you'll trip me or something." that last sentence had been said with a shaky, unsure tone, as if he was scared to confess it.

soobin insisted, "i'm not gonna trip you; would you stop your whining and just walk forward already?"

whatever was this new behavior? yeonjun wasn't quite sure what was going on or what to expect, as this was really only the second time they'd ever been together, alone.

well, maybe this time didn't count. he heard people's voice as they passed by, talking loudly and cheerfully, and he could hear the echo of steps their feet made. he also smelled baking food in the distance and soft music.

the idea that there would be food made yeonjun feel hungry, which was a new feeling, as he usually didn't eat much. it was easier to watch his weight that way anyway.

curiosity won over, and so yeonjun formed a plan in his head.

"hey, soobin, psst," he whispered, hoping soobin would lean closer to hear him. he could see the floor underneath them was white, sparkling tile, and the shadows they both made, so yeonjun was able to tell when soobin leaned closer.

as soon as he did, yeonjun pursed his lips, leaning in for a kiss, but counted on the fact that soobin ducked away immediately. his hands fell away from yeonjun's eyes as he twisted away.

yeonjun laughed gleefully at the success of the trick, and gazed at their surroundings.

"not fair; you cheated," soobin huffed, appearing beside him.

"you brought me to the _mall_ ," yeonjun questioned, looking to him in a confused manner. "that was the big hush hush secret that you had to cover my eyes for?"

soobin sighed, "if you had been a teensy bit more patient, we would have arrived at the place before you gave me that disappointed look."

"what disappointed look," yeonjun rushed out. "i-i'm not disappointed."

soobin angled his head, "this way."

they passed by a few stores and yeonjun theorized why soobin would bring him to the mall and be so secretive and hyper about it.

a jewelry store maybe? he looked to soobin questioningly, but they continued on without stopping.

a candy shop? no.

clothing store? nope.

bakery.

soobin slowed as they got to the bakery, and he got a weird look in his eyes. yeonjun was about to ask if this was it when he continued walking again.

finally, they stopped.

yeonjun stared at the front of the store, unable to convey his shock in words.

soobin looked at him in amusement, smiling slightly. "what?"

yeonjun was so conflicted, but he turned to soobin slowly. so many thoughts crossed his mind so that they jumped together, and without thinking, he blurted, "teddy bears? really," in an almost horrified tone.

the smile slowly faded from soobin's face and he shook his head, "i knew it was a dumb idea. never mind." he turned around, walking back the way they came.

"wait, wait," yeonjun caught up to him. "i was just really surprised. i can't believe you were all excited to bring me here; that's so cute!"

soobin faltered for a second. "really?"

yeonjun nodded eagerly, grabbing his arm to lead him back to the giant store.

"you know, i wasn't really sure if you'd like this," soobin admitted, "kai gave me the idea."

"makes sense; of course it came from mr. plushie protector," yeonjun agreed, giggling.

soobin commented, "you two sure are... close. i had no idea you would become friends like that."

"what, are you jealous? jealous that i stole your best friend," yeonjun grinned slyly.

"just pick a bear already, you cutie," soobin shook his head, rolling his eyes.

yeonjun clapped his hands in a delighted way, looking over the rows of choices.

"look! you can turn this one into a panda," soobin gasped, holding up the empty sleeve. his eyes misted over, and yeonjun found himself relishing over this new soobin, who acted so much more carefree than the one he'd seen the past few weeks.

he turned to look over another part of the racks, and came face to face with a familiar one.

the same girl from the park and from the movies. yeonjun's stomach felt like it turned inside out. what were the odds that you keep seeing the same person over and over again?

she was walking with the little girl from before, but this time, the other lady wasn't there.

soobin suddenly appeared beside him, holding about half of the store's selection in his arms. "hey, this one says its a dog! what if they can make it a corgi?"

yeonjun turned to him at the mention of the last word. "how did you know-"

"you got mad at me for not stopping the car when you saw a dude walking these two corgis on the street," soobin supplied automatically, knowing what yeonjun was about to ask.

but then they were interrupted.

"oh, hi soobin," said the girl's voice, and yeonjun spun around to face her.

he felt his chest tighten, and immediately looked over at soobin's reaction.

soobin raised his chin in greeting, "what."

the pressure in his chest released. yeonjun cursed himself for feeling happy at the lack of emotion in soobin's tone.

"really?" soobin laughed, motioning to the little girl grabbing onto the woman's hand. "you got stuck on babysitting duty, _again_?"

she made a face at him. "don't question my tactics. it's working, sort of."

"i'm a little annoyed," soobin raised his eyebrows. "i can't believe you're using me just to get stuck as a babysitter. make your move already!"

the woman huffed, annoyed. "i am not using you. you volunteered. shut up."

soobin shrugged, "i can't be too mad. i found junie 'cuz of you, so.."

he angled his head toward yeonjun, then realized the two didn't know each other.

"oh. arin, this is yeonjun; remember the one i told you about? junie, this is arin, my.... she's something," he shrugged.

arin grumbled, "we've been friends for four years and you still introduce me so rudely. anyway, hi again, yeonjun."

yeonjun waved shyly as the little girl suddenly gasped at him. "hey, tall boy! why you don't share swings?!"

soobin seemed confused. "did you say, 'again'?"

arin nodded. "i saw yeonjun at the park the other day when i was with julie and her mom. he was limping and we didn't know why, but now that i see him here with you, i get it."

she suddenly stomped over to soobin and lightly shoved him. it seemed to be with all the force she could muster, but he barely swayed a little.

"you better not be manipulating him into anything! you've got to stop forcing people under you," she wagged her finger in his face. "at least you're taking him on a real date now, so, props to you for that, i guess."

soobin whined, "hey! you don't even know the story of how it happened! what if he made me do it?!"

"impossible," she sniffed. "he looks like a nice boy. and you're _you_."

soobin grumbled to yeonjun, "sure, you're a nice boy on the streets, but in the sheets..."

yeonjun covered his face with the empty plushie pelt, wishing he was about four feet smaller.

it really was a relief to know the relationship between soobin and arin was just friends. if he was being honest, he wanted to know about the whole "using" bit, but, he figured they seemed more like siblings than anything else, so there was probably nothing to be worried about.

after she had smacked soobin a few times for that last comment, arin sighed, "well, sorry, we didn't mean to crash your date. and, yeonjunie, sweetie. soobin's a jerk, don't be afraid to call him out on his shit."

soobin waved her away. "go, go already! you're polluting the air here; we were having a nice time 'til _you_ showed up."

"if you say _one_ more insult i'm putting you down where i'll be eleven feet taller than you!!"

yeonjun hugged the empty plushie pelt to his chest as arin and julie walked away, and then he turned to soobin. he was sure his humiliation still showed on his face, but wasn't sure what to say.

"are you getting that one?" soobin pointed to the empty pelt in yeonjun's arms.

yeonjun opened them to look at the pelt. he stared back at the rack, and then back at the one he was holding.

he looked over at soobin with wide eyes, wordlessly pleading.

soobin let out a breath. "fine. you can get two."

yeonjun cheered and grabbed his second choice immediately, pointing towards the next step, indicating that he was ready.   
  


"don't foxes eat rabbits," soobin frowned.

yeonjun insisted, "not these two. they're best friends." he hugged both of the plushies to his chest.

"just admit you copied that one movie."

"i did not," yeonjun defended his choices.

"why'd you choose them, then?"

"i... don't want to say," yeonjun hid his face from soobin, walking along and staring intensely at the ground.

soobin shrugged. "just don't let kai see them or he'll never forgive me for not getting him one, too. where do you wanna go next?"

yeonjun thought for a minute as they shuffled along. it wasn't that late, the sun had just set about an hour ago, so the night was quite young and full of promise.

he suddenly brightened. 

✁------------------------------------------------


End file.
